Sometimes you wake up and wonder if you're really awake or if this is just a nightmare or if something fell on your head and that's why Phil Collins has decided to set up shop in your head for an extended drum solo.
You take a deep breathe and say "I think I can". Why? Because we expect our bodies to operate in a certain way. To the eye it looks hale and whole so why doesn't the darn thing function the way a body is meant to function. Why does it feel like post bender having fallen down and been trampled by a herd of buffalo? I am of course, guessing because I have never actually been trampled by an animal nor do I consume alcohol. We do not shelter ourselves from the internal caustic criticisms that a BODY SHOULD... and therein lies the rub. Chronically ill bodies DON'T. They don't do WHAT they supposed. They don't do HOW they supposed to. They most certainly don't do WHEN they supposed to.
They develop weird and disorientating symptoms that are small niggles. But here's the thing, if you had a dollar to save everyday, that wouldn't be much - a dollar after all doesn't stretch far in this day and age. What if that dollar was set aside and every single day another was added. In a year that would be $365 (for the accountants out there - yes...$366 in a leap year!). Now think of those weird niggles, as those dollars, individually they are easy to ignore but unlike the dollars they don't simply add up they attract interest. So its not 5 or 10 or 15 individual weird little niggles it is a gradual erosion of capacity to deal with anymore weird little niggles. We...no, I hold the hope (yes - maybe denial, you can certainly call me Cleopatra Queen of Denial) that one day I will find a djinni in a lamp or ring or heck in a broken crock pot! I would wish for a cure because right now me and all my fellow Fibromyalgia warriors get through most days five minutes at a time. Still I am grateful that the pain isn't so great that I can't tell time - been there too.
Taking the lead in my healing journey has been a great way to grow my hope that things get better. Velvet Skin has been a big part of that journey because feeling good in my skin means one less weird niggle.